“R” is for relationships….

I’ve always been allergic to the “R” word and I take note that it’s a very complex one to embrace, especially if you are a person like me, always galloping about and grappling with concepts, ideas and issues.

Some say I’m annoyingly free spirited, always on the move and elusive. Others may say I’m relationship phobic and have such a colourful track record in it. (So when you see a cat lady…you know where she’s coming from).

But when it comes down to it, my advice stems from the 3 Rs itself (Rules, Roles & Rituals).

1. The Rules. I know it sounds constraining, but with every solid relationship, these must be established for both individuals to feel emotional safe and secure. Both should communicate the boundaries (don’t assume and leave these unstated) and explore each other’s views in this. Think about what you need the other partner to do, or not to do to feel safe in the relationship. Questions such as, “Do you need your partner to know if he’s running late? Who pays for what bills? Etc…

2. The Roles. I think having a basic understanding of what is expected from each other is important.

3. The Rituals. This is the glue of the relationship. This includes things like goodbye kisses, the daily phone calls, the weekend hang outs, the excursions or whatever tickles your fancy. These tend to get forgotten in the tough times, or times of transition, and often, when goes undetected, erodes a relationship away.

But never be with someone just because others tell you that you both look good for each other. “Looking good” is an outward perception and means nothing. I think relationships is a fundamental learning experience and the depth of it gives us hope to delve within for further meaning in life. Relationships work when there is a “relatedness” between two people in some heartfelt way.

But hey, here’s a simplified version of how it works, not saying its easy to implement but good luck and let me hear of your advice and experience!

O_o